Put the Phone Down for 12 Minutes: Why Being Present Matters

Today, November 12, is the first National Day of Connection, and the ask is simple: at noon your local time, put your phone down and spend at least 12 minutes with someone you care about. A friend, a parent, a neighbor, a coworker, or the person you keep meaning to call.

The day was organized by Lucy Rose, founder of the Philadelphia-based Cost of Loneliness Project. To build up to it, Rose spent 51 days walking from Santa Monica, California, to New York City, passing through 17 states and covering 12 to 15 miles a day to listen to people's stories about loneliness and belonging (KSL). Her walk ends in New York today, and the invitation goes out to everyone else.

Twelve minutes doesn't sound like much. That's the point. It's small enough that anyone can do it, and it's a chance to notice how rarely we give someone our full, undistracted attention.

Why a day like this matters

Loneliness is more common than most of us realize. In 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an advisory calling loneliness and isolation an epidemic. It found that even before the pandemic, about half of U.S. adults reported measurable levels of loneliness (NPR).

The advisory treats this as a health issue, not just a feeling. As NPR reported, lacking social connection can raise the risk of premature death to levels comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and is linked to a 29% higher risk of heart disease and a 32% higher risk of stroke. The advisory describes social connection as being as essential to our long-term survival as food and water (HHS).

It's also happening to young people. Across age groups, Americans spend less in-person time together than they did two decades ago, and people ages 15 to 24 had 70% less social interaction with friends. One of the advisory's six recommendations is to rethink our relationship with technology, especially tools designed to keep us online at the expense of time with each other (NPR).

Why being present matters

Spending time together isn't quite the same as being together. Most of us have sat across from someone who was half in the conversation and half in their phone, and most of us have been that person too. Research suggests the difference is real, even when it's subtle.

Phones make time together less enjoyable

Researchers at the University of British Columbia sent more than 300 people to dinner with friends and family, randomly asking some to keep their phones on the table and others to put them away. People with phones out enjoyed the meal less and felt more distracted (University of British Columbia). As the study's senior author, Elizabeth Dunn, put it: "Just having phones out and available makes people feel more distracted" (SPSP). The effect on any one meal was modest, but the researchers noted that frequent phone use during time together could chip away at well-being over time.

Kids notice when we're not fully there

Researchers Brandon McDaniel and Jenny Radesky coined the term "technoference" for the everyday interruptions devices cause in face-to-face time, like checking a message during dinner, playtime or bedtime. In a study of families with young children, they found that technoference was linked to more frustration, whining, tantrums and acting out, and that the pattern could feed itself: stressed parents reached for their phones, and more phone time was associated with more difficult behavior over time (Springer Nature).

Presence is something kids learn by watching

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that families create screen-free times and places at home, starting with meals and bedtime (HealthyChildren.org). When parents put their own phones down first, kids see that the people in front of them come first.

None of this means phones are the enemy. They connect us to people far away, and that matters. Being present is about choosing, for a few minutes at a time, to give the people right in front of us our full attention.

How to make your 12 minutes count

Here are 12 easy ways to spend yours:

Bring it home tonight

If your kids were at school at noon, make dinner your 12 minutes. Put every phone in a basket, yours included, and ask one question everyone answers: What made you smile today? It's a small habit, and small habits are the ones that stick.

How OurPact helps

OurPact helps families find a healthier balance with their devices, so device-free time doesn't depend on willpower alone.

• Schedules: Set recurring device-free times, like dinner or bedtime, so the whole family can look up together.
• Instant Block and Grant: Pause access with a tap when it's time to sit down together.

But the most important part of today doesn't need an app: put the phone down, and give someone your full attention.

References

1. KSL / CNN Newsource. Meet the woman whose mission is to beat loneliness, 1 step at a time. November 6, 2026. https://www.ksl.com/article/51644208/meet-the-woman-whose-mission-is-to-beat-loneliness-1-step-at-a-time

2. NPR (via WHYY). America has a loneliness epidemic. Here are 6 steps to address it. May 2, 2023. https://whyy.org/npr-story/loneliness-connection-mental-health-dementia-surgeon-general/

3. Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: key takeaways. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2023. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-social-connection-general.pdf

4. University of British Columbia. Not enjoying your dinner out? Try putting the phone away. ScienceDaily, February 26, 2018 (Dwyer, Kushlev & Dunn, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology). https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/02/180226122506.htm

5. Society for Personality and Social Psychology. People with smartphones present during dinner time report less enjoyment. EurekAlert, February 2018. https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-02/sfpa-pos022718.php

6. Springer Nature. Digital devices during family time could exacerbate bad behavior. EurekAlert, June 13, 2018 (McDaniel & Radesky, Pediatric Research). https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/901851

7. American Academy of Pediatrics. How to Build Healthy Digital Habits: Tips for Families. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/How-to-Build-Healthy-Digital-Habits-Tips-for-Families.aspx